Returning Home After Life Overseas: Part 1

It's been three months since Drew and I returned home from China and coming home has been a whirlwind full of visits with our families and friends, job searching and adjusting back to American culture. Typically the first question we are asked to answer is, "So, How was China?". My first reaction is usually an overwhelming feeling of panic as I try to compact a year of our living there into, "It was great! Difficult but very rewarding". It's been hard to find the words to fully convey to someone who truly cares and desires to hear about your life, but honestly will not be able to truly connect to what we went through, unless they experienced it for themselves. Don't get be wrong, I want to share my heart with others about what we went through, to tell the stories of the young women we were living life with, it's just that a lot of what we saw and heard was full of pain. So much of what we witnessed in living there was packed with controversy, topics that will never make headline news because of serious political and dangerous implications but topics that regardless of these implications need someone to act upon them. There is so much background information that we learned about the country, the people and the culture that to try and tell stories quickly is nearly impossible. I know that it will take time for the Lord to help me process through it, for now it's good for me to talk to my husband, who thankfully gets it and journal my heart out. 

We have enjoyed our time living with my parents and we are so thankful to be blessed by their love and generosity. This adjustment period has been alright overall but there are times when something will hit you unexpectedly and you will have a "hard America" day. I was talking to a friend this week about how many things I took for granted that are common place in America. Everything is so easy here. Daily tasks (praise Him for clothes dryers), the ability to speak to (pretty much) everyone you meet in English, driving around and not having to use public transportation, a variety of food choices, having indoor plumbing with a Western style toilet (if you've never experienced a "squatty potty", you're not missing much), the ability to shop in a store that will offer the ingredients you are looking for, central heating and air and the easy access to friends and family. As grateful as we are to be back and be surrounded by so much comfort, we feel guilty. We know that it's from the enemy and are actively fighting against it but it's tough. In China, we grew accustomed to a new town, new people, seeing poverty (I don't know if you can ever really adjust to it but it becomes a bit more a part of what you encounter day in and day out) and even in the joy we did experience, what we went through was difficult. Life changing. And we know that we won't ever do life the same way that we used to. We are trying to take each day as it comes and be patient for what is ahead.

A good friend shared some truth with me as we were deciding whether we were going to remain in China or move back to the US. I've gone back to this truth so often as we have been home and I'm so grateful for her wisdom. She told me that what we were doing in China was difficult and it's okay to both admit and acknowledge that fact. She told me that the Lord chose us to carry out what He desired during our time there and to feel cherished to be the ones to fulfill the task. She told me that whatever we decided and wherever we are living that there would be open doors to minister to others and serve Him wholeheartedly. I am so grateful for our time there, my heart wants to burst when I think of the girls we were serving and how much I miss doing life with them daily. I fell in love with their culture, their language, their smiles and their hearts. I feel like a little part of my family has gone away on a trip except I won't be able to contact them.

At the same I'm so ready to live in our own home, start pouring my heart into new women and start over here. I feel like the Lord constantly has us in a new waiting period but I think that it's honestly the best place to be. Rushing His timing, you can miss something: a blessing, an opportunity, a warning, that you may need in the next phase that He has awaiting you. I read this little tidbit just the other day, referring to Moses and his disobedience that led to forty years in the wilderness, He thought it would bring relief, but it made the burden on the Israelites almost unbearable. That's what happens when we try to make things go faster, we usually slow things down. When we try to make things easier, we usually make them harder. Don't try to manufacture your own miracles. Don't try to answer your own prayers. Don't try to do God's job for Him. Stay humble. Stay patient. Stay focused. (40 Days of Prayer by North Point Ministries). And so as my heart is trying to heal from leaving "our girls", I'm trying to be patient for what He has been brewing in my heart. Ever feel the same way? Have some wisdom to share? I'd love to hear all about it.